On Trusting God: My 2019 Reflection

It’s officially 2020 & I’m finally MAKING the time to sit down and write out my reflections from this past year. My word for the new year is ACTION, in case you’re wondering 😉 so here I am… 

2019 was a year of many things – realizations, growth, & healing. It was a year of passion and pursuit, longing and grace. So. Much. Grace. But I would say the biggest thing I learned this past year is what it means to trust God wholeheartedly. This has been a process for me, so I’d like to share a bit of my journey over the past couple months… (it’s a long one, so maybe grab a snackie?)

With every year that goes by, my daughter, Ava, gets one year older and it dawns on me how far apart in age she will be from her next sibling. As a mother, this realization hits hard. It doesn’t make it easier that, for what ever reason, people love to insert their opinion on the matter not knowing the implications of their statements or the facts. I got pregnant when I was 19 and it was really traumatizing. I knew this had an effect on my decision to postpone having another baby, but I didn’t realize to what extent. People would inevitably ask, “So, do you want to have another baby?” Annoyed, I would respond, “I want to want to have another baby, but I’m not there yet.” I would usually leave it at that. It wasn’t until this past summer, I was sitting with a group of my girl friends and we were talking about sex in marriage. I remember saying something along the lines of, “I’m so thankful for my IUD, because I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant unexpectedly again. I’m grateful that for my next baby, I get to choose when I’m ready.” (I had recently gotten my IUD replaced after having had the first one in for almost 7 years. I didn’t really give my husband any say in the matter because I just KNEW it was in MY best interest). In that moment, something came over me. I experienced a heaviness on my chest and an overwhelming urge to cry. As someone pretty in tune with my emotions, I was so confused as to what I was feeling. I rushed home and found myself curled up in my bed, crying hysterically. “What is happening to me?” I questioned. I realized that what I was feeling was conviction and boy was it heavy! It was there that God spoke to me, “You don’t trust Me.” It echoed in my head. I realized then that I had been clinging to my IUD out of fear for what might happen if I wasn’t in control. This hurt me, because I knew it was true. I had been hurt in pregnancy before, and I was overridden with fear that it would happen again. I knew that I had to get my IUD taken out, but just that thought alone brought me to my knees. This is where the process of entrusting my heart to the Lord began…

“I want to want to have another baby” – the statement I had told myself and others over the past 8 years. In my conviction, God revealed the truth. I had been praying for years that God would align my heart with Hudson’s, but if I’m honest, I had subconsciously hoped that He would align Hudson’s heart with mine, because I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to have another baby. I wanted to want another baby, but not for me, for Hudson. This was a scary realization as a wife, because I wanted nothing more than to give Hudson all that I had to give, but this seemed like too much. Too painful. & I was too scared. I knew that if I had a baby “for him” that I would resent him for it. This broke me. This conversation had been a huge area of contention for Hudson and I over the years and I had finally had enough. For the first time in my marriage, I prayed earnestly, “Lord, please, reveal to me the wounds of heart and take me through a process of healing so that our hearts can finally be aligned.” I wanted SO BADLY to trust God. Again, I knew my heart had been wounded from the trauma that I experienced during my first pregnancy, but I had no idea what God was about to do. When Hudson got home from work that night, I told him I needed to get my IUD out and I cried. I was still scared. I left for a trip away from Hudson for the next two weeks. During this time, God revealed to me through very specific details the overwhelming pains of my heart that were the underlying seeds of my fear. For my / others sake, I won’t go into detail, but I realized I had a HUGE FEAR of isolation. Because of the circumstances of my first pregnancy, I experienced so much shame and, in that, isolation. It’s weird – as I was growing another human inside of me, I had never felt more alone in my life. Ironically, I was alone in a basement in Chattanooga going through all of Ava’s baby stuff when I had this realization. Yet again, I was on my knees sobbing when God gave me a vision. I got this image of me in the OBGYN office to get my IUD out. Hudson was standing on one side holding my hand and Jesus was on the other. He smiled at me and said, “You’re not alone.” Talk about coming undone. I cried on and off for the rest of the day! I couldn’t wait to get back home to be with Hudson. 

The next day, I returned home to LA. After two weeks, Hudson and I were reunited and shortly after were on our way to Italy. I had told Hudson a few days prior to my IUD realization that I had realized part of my hesitation in having another baby was the fact that I never got to travel. As a 27-year-old woman, I had mourned the part of my youth that I missed out on in having Ava so young. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change my decision for the world, but I’d be lying if I denied feeling sad sometimes for not getting to experience some of what my friends were, even in my marriage. Up until as of recent, Hudson and I had been operating out of a place of survival. We were kids trying to making it through college when we had Ava. We didn’t have the time or luxury to pursue each other. Sadly, Hudson had began to associate Ava and I with stress, because, as I had mentioned, our lives had been pretty stressful. Somehow, Hudson heard my heart and surprised me with tickets to Italy the next day! I was shocked. It was the first time in a long time that I had truly felt heard and pursued in my marriage. We had not had that much one-on-one time in marriage since our honeymoon, 7 years ago! I was honestly a bit nervous. I wondered if Hudson would get sick of me. LOL! I had never been to a foreign country, so I questioned how we would operate together under stress. Our time in Italy was completely revitalizing for our marriage. God really equipped us with open hearts and eyes to see each other through His perspective. I loved this man more than ever and I felt my heart softening to the idea of having another baby…

falling in love in Venice, Italy ❤

After we returned home from Italy, I finally made the phone call I had been dreading for weeks. I scheduled my appointment to get out my IUD and after I hung up, I cried. I knew this was a step I needed to take to trust God fully. I had learned over the past few weeks that God takes my heart into consideration. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows the plans that He has for me. He wouldn’t entrust the life of a baby to me if He knew I wasn’t in a place to receive it. I believed this, so clinging to this truth gave me comfort in my fear. We attended a marriage intensive with some close friends in our church and it was the icing on top of the cake in terms of progress towards the healing process Hudson and I yearned for. The day finally came to get my IUD out and Hudson stood by my side. He held my hand during the whole process and when we arrived home after the procedure, we sat in the car listening to the song “Sails” by Pat Barrett. The words from this song spoke to us..

I’m finally seeing You were here all along

Your love wasn’t absent, no

It doesn’t come or go

The image I’ve had is starting to fail

You’re patient with me

You’re lifting the veil 

Oh, Lord set me free

Oh, Lord set me free

I let out the sails of my heart

Here I am, here You are

Hudson and I cried together because we felt the weight being lifted. It was a beautiful moment. I told Hudson that I needed him to take the next step in leading our family. If this meant we should try for a baby, then I wanted to trust him and let him lead. I was learning to trust God with my heart and my WOMB, after all. We were both a little unsure of what to do next in terms of contraception. Neither one of us felt lead at that point to try to make a baby.. We still had a lot of healing we were working through in our marriage during that time, so we opted for condoms for the time being. Fast forward to mid December.. Hudson and I had hit a bit of a rough patch in our relationship. You know how when things get bad, they tend to get really bad? Well that’s sort of what happened. Hudson and I had gotten back into a rut. We were in the process of trying to work things out but things were really hard and I was starting to feel hopeless. I attended the last women’s ministry meeting of the year at our church and had the opportunity to speak among the women about how God had been working in my life. I felt completely unqualified because I felt like my marriage was on the edge of its breaking point. Little did I know, God would meet me there. He showed me how entangled my identity had become to my marriage. If Hudson and I weren’t doing well, I wasn’t happy. I questioned, “Don’t I deserve to be happy? Should I leave?” I had found myself, yet again, not trusting God. I didn’t trust his plan for my relationship. I had become so blinded by my flesh that I forgot my purpose in this marriage. That night God ever so sweetly reminded me that it’s not about me being happy, it’s about me being holy. My purpose is to reflect Jesus to my husband – to show him mercy in the times when he falls short, to love him there and constantly point him back to the cross. After this realization, I rushed home and loved my husband. I apologized for the ways in which I had failed to love him and I met him where he was. For the first time in our entire marriage, we decided to make love without protection. It was one of the most intimate moments we have ever experienced together and we knew it was right.

I took this photo when we walked out of the doctor’s office!

Over the next two weeks, I experienced a lot of anxiety. As much as I hated to admit it, I was still fearful of getting pregnant because we had unprotected sex (we got pregnant with Ava the first time we had sex, so it made sense to me that we would get pregnant the first time second go around). It seemed a little irrational, but I had a feeling. I decided to take a pregnancy test five days after we had had sex. It came back negative. “It’s still too early to tell,” I told myself. I was shocked, not because it read negative, but because I found myself saddened. When Hudson got home from work, I told him I had taken a test and that I was not pregnant. He was upset with me for taking a test without him. He said, “You’re not doing it alone this time.” *SOBS* I knew he was right. Over the course of the next week, Hudson and I had taken four pregnancy tests, all of which came back positive. The line was faint because it was early, but I was definitely pregnant! Ava had overheard several of our conversations (yay for our tiny bathroom with zero privacy), so we ended up confirming with her our exciting news! I couldn’t believe it. This moment – the moment that I had feared for years was actually bringing me joy. I began to envision our future as a family and life with a new baby. I never said it aloud, but I was truly excited. We were so happy! Hudson and I quickly put together the vision for how God was redeeming this for us and it was such a cool story. 

Then, late one afternoon, I started spotting. I immediately told Hudson and expressed my worry. In attempt not to panic, we went to bed that night praying over our future with our little baby. That next morning, the day before Christmas Eve, I called the doctor and got an appointment to come in as soon as possible. Hudson and I made arrangements for Ava, and we rushed to the doctor. Just like that, the vision we had created vanished. We were heartbroken. “You’re experiencing signs of an early miscarriage,” the doctor explained, sadly. “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?” I was furious. “WHY? Why would God put me through this knowing everything that it took to get me here?!” These are the questions that filled my head for the rest of the day into the evening. I cried myself to sleep that night. The next day Hudson, Ava and I left for our Christmas vacation with his family. As we drove to Arizona, many hours awaited us. Hudson and I continued to process what had happened the day before. “This sucks,” he exclaimed. We had a lot of tense moments between each other. He was hurting and I knew it. We all were. It was then that I finally received the clarity I had been yearning for. As terrible and saddening as this moment was, it revealed to me the true desire of my heart. In giving me a baby, God showed me that it was something I actually wanted. All the progress we had made prepared my heart for everything I was experiencing / going to experience. I trusted God. Even in my frustration and sorrow, I was able to rejoice in His goodness, knowing that the pain I was feeling wouldn’t be forever. It reminded me to continually relinquish my desires to control and let God work in my life. After all, He is a much better author than I will ever be. 

Ava wrote this in my “Notes” the night we told her about losing the baby.

So, here I am. It’s been a few weeks, and I am feeling fully embraced and overwhelmed with love. 2019 was a long, trying year of my life, but I feel so full and proud of the woman God has made me to be. I’m thankful for His grace and the little details that make our stories so much richer for His glory. He’s so gentle and caring, yet strong and protective with us. It’s a beautiful balance. I don’t know exactly what 2020 has in store for me, but that is OKAY. I’m really trying to be ever-present where I am and take action in the things He has me doing right now. I am happy and I am excited for the new year! This was a long winded story, but it’s been on my heart to share. I hope you know how loved you are. Whatever you’re going through, please take comfort in knowing that this moment is fleeting. You are fully known and fully loved. I’d also like to challenge with this: Is there any area of your life you feel you need to relinquish control and trust God fully? 

“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalms 30:5

How I found my Identity in Jesus

A few months ago, I had this realization that I was not the woman I wanted to be, particularly as a mother. I had not given Ava my best and that hurt. I felt as if I had failed her. I was impatient and quick to anger. I found myself in frustration of my frustration. I honestly started to question if maybe I had anger issues and should seek counsel? That scared me. The conviction I felt was real, so, in tears, I disclosed my heart to a close friend who sat me down and began to intentionally pray over me and my relationship with my daughter. During that prayer, I had a vision of all the mirrors in my house completely covered. While, I would consider myself a visionary, I am not that creative – LOL! That’s how I knew this was a vision from the Lord. I didn’t fully understand why, but I was sure this was the first step in uncovering the reason why I was so angry and how, with Jesus, I would overcome it. 

It was a Monday and after I dropped Ava off at school, I had planned to go out and buy the necessary goods to cover all the mirrors in my house. For perspective, we live in a small two bedroom apartment, both of which have full length mirror doors to the closet that cover an entire wall in both mine and Ava’s bedrooms. We have a massive mirror in our living room, one in our bathroom, as well as another full length standing mirror in our bedroom. Needless to say, it took several rolls of wrapping paper to do the job! My intent was to cover everything before Hudson and Ava came home from school, so that I could film their reaction (mainly because I felt a little crazy). But I’m sure all of Jesus’ faithful and obedient followers felt that way at some point, right? Ha! However, I received a phone call from Ava’s school saying she was sick and that I needed to come pick her up. We ended up going to the store together and I bought all the wrapping paper without explaining to Ava what was going on. I could see the little wheels turning in her head as we she pondered what I could have bought her that was that big. When we got home, I sat her down and explained what I was about to do. She immediately began to cry, and actually pleaded, “No mom, please don’t do this!” I knew right then that this was going to be much harder than I realized and that maybe this mirror challenge would begin to reveal something much deeper – idols in our lives that we didn’t know we had. Three full rolls of wrapping paper and lots of tape later, there we were. For whatever reason, I felt led to cover the paper with scripture on identity & so the journey began… 

The first day was hard & definitely the most eye opening for many reasons. As I began my day, I started to realize exactly how dependent I was on the mirror. When I would get up in the morning to brush my teeth, what would I do? I would stare at myself in the mirror. What would I think about? Usually how tired I looked from not getting enough sleep, or I would inspect my face for any sort of flaw. My thoughts never consisted of anything beyond my how I saw my physical appearance. I never looked deeper than what was beyond the surface. As I got ready for the gym, I found myself without even thinking, walking into my room to check how I my ponytail looked. “WHY? WHY DOES THIS MATTER?, I thought. “I’m going to the gym to get sweaty!” That should be the least of my concern, but there I was. CRAZY. It began to frustrate me how often I found myself standing in front of my covered mirror expecting to see myself staring back. But that’s when it hit me, and it hit me hard! This person that I am so used to seeing in the mirror, this reflection of “myself” is NOT WHO I AM… So I began to dig deeper.

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What is the purpose of a mirror? To reflect an image. Okay… This made me think about how we, as human beings, were made in the image of God. So, like a mirror, our purpose is to reflect the image of Christ. But how can I do that if I am defining & LIMITING my own identity to just my physical appearance? Because that’s what we do, right? WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT! We spend countless hours looking into a mirror, only to see ourselves staring back. Living in a place and being a part of an industry where looks seem to define everything, how can we escape the lie and see that we are so much more? We don’t look into the mirror and see the beauty of our hearts because we are blinded by our flaws – the flaws that have become definitive of who we are. This is where I jumped for joy at how gracious and thoughtful our God is, because in knowing how I would struggle, He loved me enough to lead me back to His word to reflect upon as I brushed my teeth in the mornings and washed my face at night. This opened the eyes of my heart to how God sees me. He showed me that if I could just begin to see, understand and seek the heart of Jesus, I would uncover who I truly am beyond the surface of my imperfections.

We kept our mirrors covered for the entire month, and while it was annoying at times, it made us focus on what truly matters- the heart. I began to feel a transformation – a liberation of the anger that I had longed to escape. I saw a softer, more gentle side of Ava that I hadn’t seen in a while. The love we began to share was that of which you feel after a warm, intentional embrace of one another. The covering of our mirrors gave me a new space to pursue Ava’s heart, as I began to understand my own. In focussing less on myself and more on Jesus, I was able to reflect Him in a new way. I started to question what the world would be like if mirrors were never created? As people would come to our house and question why our mirrors were covered, they would assume it was a matter of vanity. “It’s a long story,” I would quickly explain. However, since then I’ve come to realize that it was only a matter of humility – a transformation of the heart and finding true identity in Jesus. I urged everyone to take a look into the mirror and ask themselves, “How does God see me?” So now I’m asking you…

HOW DOES GOD SEE YOU? Is this how you see yourself? Are you struggling with anger? Are you disconnected with a loved one? Are you discontent? How much time are you spending in front of the mirror, letting it define how you see yourself? Do you long to find fulfillment and purpose in Jesus? 

I challenge you – cover your mirrors. It seems silly, but it’s incredibly transformative. Let go of the version of yourself that you think the world needs to see. Ask God to open your heart and show you how He sees you. Spend the extra time you would have spent getting ready just meditating on His word. Cling to His goodness and watch your heart be transformed. 

Proverbs 27:19 “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart”

I want to be where You are.

It’s been almost three months since I posted my last blog – sorry about that.

I’ve been in this odd rut, where it’s been incredibly difficult for me to adequately communicate my thoughts into actual comprehensible words. I have so much on my mind and heart that I want to express, but I honestly don’t know where to begin the majority of the time. It’s quite daunting to be honest. I will quickly say, “This is why I’m not a writer.  It’s just too hard.” BUT, I know it’s SO good for me. It forces me out of my comfort zone. It engages a part of my mind that yearns to be set free. It forces me out of my own head, literally. I’m alone for the majority of every day, which means I’m constantly thinking and never really sharing the things that are on my mind. If any of you experience this, you would probably agree that it’s just mentally (and physically) exhausting. I need to write, simply as a gift to clear my mind.

So, with that being said, I’m starting a hashtag #thingsimthinkingabout – here’s what’s on my mind today after reading this passage:

John 12: 20-26, “²⁰ Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. ²¹ They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” ²² Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.

²³ Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.²⁴ Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. ²⁵ Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. ²⁶ Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”

Now, I don’t know much about the biology of a wheat grain, so my immediate question after reading this passage is: What does Jesus mean when he talks about a grain of wheat dying and reproducing?

I think this is a beautiful and powerful metaphor of Jesus’ life pertaining to ours. He died so that all His beloved may live, much like a grain of wheat that reproduces after having been plucked and planted. But, in order for us to truly live this life that has been entrusted to us, we must continually strive to die to ourselves daily, as Christ did for us, so that we may be more like Him – so that we may serve Him. I’m thinking, if a grain of wheat is not growing or changing, it is dying, because a stagnant life is not a life worth living. In the same way, I believe this analogy applies to people.

I question areas of my life, perhaps a decision to be made, relationship, personal habit or selfish desire in which I may be stagnant or reluctant to allow growth or change. I assess my heart and try to honestly answer the ways in which my stance may be destructive to my ability to follow Jesus wholeheartedly.

If I want to serve, I must follow. In order to follow, I must die, continually. I need to open my hands and let go. I need to let God bring growth – bring forth change. I desperately want to be where He is. But, what does a life of open hands look like for me? I’m asking Jesus to show me what it means to be where He is.

What are you thinking about?

#thingsimthinkingabout

Why I moved to the City of Angels

I’m excited to write this blog and share with you my journey as to exactly why I moved to Los Angeles. It’s a long story, so grab a snack and let’s get going!

After taking a year off of school after my freshman year of college in order to tend to Ava, I was excited, nervous and slightly reluctant to start my sophomore year at Covenant College.

Three reasons:

1. Hudson and I were only a few months into our marriage, trying to figure out our lives together with one car, Ava, soccer, work and school. It was a lot to say the least.
2. The application process to Covenant was very intimidating, especially since I was asked to write a lengthy paper on the Calvinistic view of the doctrine of salvation. My thoughts at the time, “I’m sorry, who is Calvin… What?” I didn’t grow up in the PCA, so I really didn’t know much about theology, let alone the five points of Calvinism, otherwise referred to as “TULIP.” If you went to Covenant, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about…
3. I had been out of the school mindset for over a year and honestly had no idea what I even wanted to pursue, especially after having a baby.

The Lord was doing BIG things in my life – things I necessarily didn’t understand, but ultimately bringing me closer to Him. I didn’t know this at the time, but Covenant College was the beginning of everything for me. Going into my first semester, I was highly encouraged to pursue Art as my major. Art is something I love, don’t get me wrong. I can spend countless hours on one piece, completely engulfed in the fine intricacies and freedom that comes with creating something new. However, something inside me yearned for the theater. I feel I have always had a deep passion for acting, but have never allowed myself to fully embrace it for what it was. I decided to take an art and theatre class my first semester at Covenant to see if I was more drawn to one than the other. The amazing thing about Covenant is illustrated in its motto, “In All Things Christ Preeminent.” This meaning that no matter what I decided to study, I would get to learn from a biblical worldview of how Christ is infiltrated into the subject matter. As it turned out, at the end of that semester, I decided to pursue Theatre as my major with no idea what I wanted to do with it. For once in my life, I felt liberated knowing that I was finally doing something that I truly loved and growing immensely in my faith. Woohoo!!

My next semester I took a class called “Dramatic Art and Christian Thought.” In this class, we studied intense topics of all the ways in which the entertainment industry is incredibly broken and spiritually deprived. I gained insight into the darkness that lies within the city of LA. Oddly enough, this inspired me. As I was reading, “Behind the Screen,” a book that gives insight from Christian media professionals who are living out their faith in Hollywood, I realized why. Hollywood is a mission field – I would argue the most influential mission field, because it’s where a significant amount of our culture is influenced through the projection of the media. I would go further to say that it is in fact the media shapes the hearts of people all around the world. It’s honestly crazy, if you think about how much power the people of Hollywood hold over society! The Lord revealed to me that I could use my talents as a way to not only love, serve and inspire people, but more importantly, glorify Him in the process. I could be a light among-st the darkness and empower people to seek refuge in the hope that lies within the love that our almighty father provides us! Literally, it was a specific moment in time that completely dawned on me. I wanted, no, I NEEDED to move to Los Angeles! It was my calling. In the spring of 2013, I told Hudson I wanted to move to Los Angeles, and he laughed. Neither of us had ever even been to LA… What a crazy thought to think that we would actually move there?!

Over the course of the next three years, the Lord taught me so much. Covenant remained a safe place where I learned a lot about myself and my savior. It was three very difficult years to say the least, but my desire to fulfill my calling in Los Angeles only grew stronger. I was confident that the Lord was going to use me in some way to make a difference, and I was ready. Covenant College taught me how to think and how to apply what I’ve learned to real experiences. I am thankful for the ways in which God used my experience at Covenant to open my eyes to the current state of the world and provide me with a sense of purpose. I am also thankful for my amazing husband, Hudson, that loves me enough to venture across the country with me into a world of unknown. I knew that whatever the Lord had planned for me, he had something great in store for Hudson as well. (If you’re reading this, check out Hudson’s blog as well! He has the most interesting mind of anyone I’ve ever known. Hudson’s Blog!) Hudson and I prayed for guidance. We asked God to open doors for us in LA – to really make it POSSIBLE for us to move and fulfill his calling. He swung the doors right open! Three weeks after graduation in 2015, we found ourselves in the car driving across the country. I’ll spare the details of our jobs for perhaps another post, but you must know that our great Lord provided!

As I sit and write this entry from my desk in Beverly Hills, I am more than confident that I’m where I’m supposed to be. My job is part-time and allows me the flexibility to pursue my dream of acting. I can’t wait to write about my experiences in the industry thus far (also for another post). I often find myself asking, “What does it mean to glorify God?” I think this question is the key to keeping a level head as a Christian in the industry, as I’m constantly finding new and true ways to glorify him in the things that I do on a day-to-day basis. Every day I assess my heart and ask the Lord to provide me with clarity, strength and confidence in my ability to love and empower people through acting. It’s easy to get discouraged in this industry, especially with the amount of rejection you receive daily. However, my most recent prayer is that the Lord will provide me with success when I’m truly able to handle it in a way that ultimately glorifies him.

With all of this being said, I ask for you to please pray for me and this city, especially Hollywood and the people who have an influence on what is projected in the media. Pray that their hearts may be transformed, so that they may create and project ideas that positively influence the people of society and further the kingdom of God.

I hope you enjoyed this & thanks for reading! 🙂

xx

Grace Fulfilling

Hello & welcome to my blog! It’s taken me way longer than I anticipated to start this, mainly because I’ve been lazy, but also because I’m quite nervous. I’m not much of a writer, but I feel as if I have many thoughts I’d like to share with you all concerning who I am, what I’m about, things that inspire me, things I’m thinking about, and so on. My hope is that you may come to know me in a more holistic way, than perhaps what you may see in pictures posted on social media. I’d also like to use this space to share what I’m doing in Los Angeles, for those of you interested in keeping up-to-date with my life. YAY!

I decided to title my blog, “grace fulfilling,” because I wanted it to illustrate a part of me. The gratification I have found through God’s grace has essentially shaped me into the woman I am today. Without the grace of God, I am nothing. But the truth is, I know that because of his grace, I am continuously being made whole. I am thankful for his grace that ultimately fulfills me.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect.” 1 Corinthians 15:10

Thanks for reading & be sure to check back soon for a day in the life of Nina!

xx