I want to be where You are.

It’s been almost three months since I posted my last blog – sorry about that.

I’ve been in this odd rut, where it’s been incredibly difficult for me to adequately communicate my thoughts into actual comprehensible words. I have so much on my mind and heart that I want to express, but I honestly don’t know where to begin the majority of the time. It’s quite daunting to be honest. I will quickly say, “This is why I’m not a writer.  It’s just too hard.” BUT, I know it’s SO good for me. It forces me out of my comfort zone. It engages a part of my mind that yearns to be set free. It forces me out of my own head, literally. I’m alone for the majority of every day, which means I’m constantly thinking and never really sharing the things that are on my mind. If any of you experience this, you would probably agree that it’s just mentally (and physically) exhausting. I need to write, simply as a gift to clear my mind.

So, with that being said, I’m starting a hashtag #thingsimthinkingabout – here’s what’s on my mind today after reading this passage:

John 12: 20-26, “20 Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. 21 They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” 22 Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.

23 Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26 Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”

Now, I don’t know much about the biology of a wheat grain, so my immediate question after reading this passage is: What does Jesus mean when he talks about a grain of wheat dying and reproducing?

I think this is a beautiful and powerful metaphor of Jesus’ life pertaining to ours. He died so that all His beloved may live, much like a grain of wheat that reproduces after having been plucked and planted. But, in order for us to truly live this life that has been entrusted to us, we must continually strive to die to ourselves daily, as Christ did for us, so that we may be more like Him – so that we may serve Him. I’m thinking, if a grain of wheat is not growing or changing, it is dying, because a stagnant life is not a life worth living. In the same way, I believe this analogy applies to people.

I question areas of my life, perhaps a decision to be made, relationship, personal habit or selfish desire in which I may be stagnant or reluctant to allow growth or change. I assess my heart and try to honestly answer the ways in which my stance may be destructive to my ability to follow Jesus wholeheartedly.

If I want to serve, I must follow. In order to follow, I must die, continually. I need to open my hands and let go. I need to let God bring growth – bring forth change. I desperately want to be where He is. But, what does a life of open hands look like for me? I’m asking Jesus to show me what it means to be where He is.

What are you thinking about?



Why I moved to the City of Angels

I’m excited to write this blog and share with you my journey as to exactly why I moved to Los Angeles. It’s a long story, so grab a snack and let’s get going!

After taking a year off of school after my freshman year of college in order to tend to Ava, I was excited, nervous and slightly reluctant to start my sophomore year at Covenant College.

Three reasons:

  1. Hudson and I were only a few months into our marriage, trying to figure out our lives together with one car, Ava, soccer, work and school. It was a lot to say the least.
  2. The application process to Covenant was very intimidating, especially since I was asked to write a lengthy paper on the Calvinistic view of the doctrine of salvation. My thoughts at the time, “I’m sorry, who is Calvin… What?” I didn’t grow up in the PCA, so I really didn’t know much about theology, let alone the five points of Calvinism, otherwise referred to as “TULIP.” If you went to Covenant, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about…
  3. I had been out of the school mindset for over a year and honestly had no idea what I even wanted to pursue, especially after having a baby.

The Lord was doing BIG things in my life – things I necessarily didn’t understand, but ultimately bringing me closer to Him. I didn’t know this at the time, but Covenant College was the beginning of everything for me. Going into my first semester, I was highly encouraged to pursue Art as my major. Art is something I love, don’t get me wrong. I can spend countless hours on one piece, completely engulfed in the fine intricacies and freedom that comes with creating something new. However, something inside me yearned for the theater. I feel I have always had a deep passion for acting, but have never allowed myself to fully embrace it for what it was. I decided to take an art and theatre class my first semester at Covenant to see if I was more drawn to one than the other. The amazing thing about Covenant is illustrated in its motto, “In All Things Christ Preeminent.” This meaning that no matter what I decided to study, I would get to learn from a biblical worldview of how Christ is infiltrated into the subject matter. As it turned out, at the end of that semester, I decided to pursue Theatre as my major with no idea what I wanted to do with it. For once in my life, I felt liberated knowing that I was finally doing something that I truly loved and growing immensely in my faith. Woohoo!!

My next semester I took a class called “Dramatic Art and Christian Thought.” In this class, we studied intense topics of all the ways in which the entertainment industry is incredibly broken and spiritually deprived. I gained insight into the darkness that lies within the city of LA. Oddly enough, this inspired me. As I was reading, “Behind the Screen,” a book that gives insight from Christian media professionals who are living out their faith in Hollywood, I realized why. Hollywood is a mission field – I would argue the most influential mission field, because it’s where a significant amount of our culture is influenced through the projection of the media. I would go further to say that it is in fact the media shapes the hearts of people all around the world. It’s honestly crazy, if you think about how much power the people of Hollywood hold over society! The Lord revealed to me that I could use my talents as a way to not only love, serve and inspire people, but more importantly, glorify Him in the process. I could be a light among-st the darkness and empower people to seek refuge in the hope that lies within the love that our almighty father provides us! Literally, it was a specific moment in time that completely dawned on me. I wanted, no, I NEEDED to move to Los Angeles! It was my calling. In the spring of 2013, I told Hudson I wanted to move to Los Angeles, and he laughed. Neither of us had ever even been to LA… What a crazy thought to think that we would actually move there?!

Over the course of the next three years, the Lord taught me so much. Covenant remained a safe place where I learned a lot about myself and my savior. It was three very difficult years to say the least, but my desire to fulfill my calling in Los Angeles only grew stronger. I was confident that the Lord was going to use me in some way to make a difference, and I was ready. Covenant College taught me how to think and how to apply what I’ve learned to real experiences. I am thankful for the ways in which God used my experience at Covenant to open my eyes to the current state of the world and provide me with a sense of purpose. I am also thankful for my amazing husband, Hudson, that loves me enough to venture across the country with me into a world of unknown. I knew that whatever the Lord had planned for me, he had something great in store for Hudson as well. (If you’re reading this, check out Hudson’s blog as well! He has the most interesting mind of anyone I’ve ever known. Hudson’s Blog!) Hudson and I prayed for guidance. We asked God to open doors for us in LA – to really make it POSSIBLE for us to move and fulfill his calling. He swung the doors right open! Three weeks after graduation in 2015, we found ourselves in the car driving across the country. I’ll spare the details of our jobs for perhaps another post, but you must know that our great Lord provided!

As I sit and write this entry from my desk in Beverly Hills, I am more than confident that I’m where I’m supposed to be. My job is part-time and allows me the flexibility to pursue my dream of acting. I can’t wait to write about my experiences in the industry thus far (also for another post). I often find myself asking, “What does it mean to glorify God?” I think this question is the key to keeping a level head as a Christian in the industry, as I’m constantly finding new and true ways to glorify him in the things that I do on a day-to-day basis. Every day I assess my heart and ask the Lord to provide me with clarity, strength and confidence in my ability to love and empower people through acting. It’s easy to get discouraged in this industry, especially with the amount of rejection you receive daily. However, my most recent prayer is that the Lord will provide me with success when I’m truly able to handle it in a way that ultimately glorifies him.

With all of this being said, I ask for you to please pray for me and this city, especially Hollywood and the people who have an influence on what is projected in the media. Pray that their hearts may be transformed, so that they may create and project ideas that positively influence the people of society and further the kingdom of God.

I hope you enjoyed this & thanks for reading! 🙂


Grace Fulfilling

Hello & welcome to my blog! It’s taken me way longer than I anticipated to start this, mainly because I’ve been lazy, but also because I’m quite nervous. I’m not much of a writer, but I feel as if I have many thoughts I’d like to share with you all concerning who I am, what I’m about, things that inspire me, things I’m thinking about, and so on. My hope is that you may come to know me in a more holistic way, than perhaps what you may see in pictures posted on social media. I’d also like to use this space to share what I’m doing in Los Angeles, for those of you interested in keeping up-to-date with my life. YAY!

I decided to title my blog, “grace fulfilling,” because I wanted it to illustrate a part of me. The gratification I have found through God’s grace has essentially shaped me into the woman I am today. Without the grace of God, I am nothing. But the truth is, I know that because of his grace, I am continuously being made whole. I am thankful for his grace that ultimately fulfills me.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect.” 1 Corinthians 15:10

Thanks for reading & be sure to check back soon for a day in the life of Nina!