I want to be where You are.

It’s been almost three months since I posted my last blog – sorry about that.

I’ve been in this odd rut, where it’s been incredibly difficult for me to adequately communicate my thoughts into actual comprehensible words. I have so much on my mind and heart that I want to express, but I honestly don’t know where to begin the majority of the time. It’s quite daunting to be honest. I will quickly say, “This is why I’m not a writer.  It’s just too hard.” BUT, I know it’s SO good for me. It forces me out of my comfort zone. It engages a part of my mind that yearns to be set free. It forces me out of my own head, literally. I’m alone for the majority of every day, which means I’m constantly thinking and never really sharing the things that are on my mind. If any of you experience this, you would probably agree that it’s just mentally (and physically) exhausting. I need to write, simply as a gift to clear my mind.

So, with that being said, I’m starting a hashtag #thingsimthinkingabout – here’s what’s on my mind today after reading this passage:

John 12: 20-26, “²⁰ Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. ²¹ They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” ²² Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.

²³ Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.²⁴ Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. ²⁵ Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. ²⁶ Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”

Now, I don’t know much about the biology of a wheat grain, so my immediate question after reading this passage is: What does Jesus mean when he talks about a grain of wheat dying and reproducing?

I think this is a beautiful and powerful metaphor of Jesus’ life pertaining to ours. He died so that all His beloved may live, much like a grain of wheat that reproduces after having been plucked and planted. But, in order for us to truly live this life that has been entrusted to us, we must continually strive to die to ourselves daily, as Christ did for us, so that we may be more like Him – so that we may serve Him. I’m thinking, if a grain of wheat is not growing or changing, it is dying, because a stagnant life is not a life worth living. In the same way, I believe this analogy applies to people.

I question areas of my life, perhaps a decision to be made, relationship, personal habit or selfish desire in which I may be stagnant or reluctant to allow growth or change. I assess my heart and try to honestly answer the ways in which my stance may be destructive to my ability to follow Jesus wholeheartedly.

If I want to serve, I must follow. In order to follow, I must die, continually. I need to open my hands and let go. I need to let God bring growth – bring forth change. I desperately want to be where He is. But, what does a life of open hands look like for me? I’m asking Jesus to show me what it means to be where He is.

What are you thinking about?

#thingsimthinkingabout